Tough Call: The debut book from Onion writer Mike Loew.
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Wall Street And The Mob
Last week, the FBI arrested 120 members of New York crime families, breaking up a massive securities scam that combined old-school Mob violence with high-tech Internet fraud. What do you think of organized crime's foray into Wall Street?

"I kind of expected more from the Gambinos than sitting at home, bilking old ladies out of their stock portfolios on a blueberry iMac."
 Cindy Greenwood, Pediatrician

"All those pork bellies in my bed are finally starting to make sense."
 John Furness, Teacher

"Well, my broker is E.F. Hutton, and E.F. Hutton had better not say a goddamn word."
 Lawrence Ham, Systems Analyst

"It's about time they nailed Sammy 'Double Click' Luchese and the whole Dotcommicia crime syndicate."
 Rudolph Lambert, File Clerk

"Now I see why that big guy in the pinstripe suit came by my office, saying how it'd be a real shame if a sudden interest-rate hike led to investor wariness, precipitating a sell-off in S&P 500 futures."
 Bill Greene, Stock Broker

"Great. Just when I thought I'd finally gotten caught up on my 21st-century neologisms, I gotta start worrying about the eMafia."
 Pamela Kolb, Botanist

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